英文搞笑話劇篇一：英語搞笑話劇劇本(四人)

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie<Avatar>? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.

乙:(風(fēng)情萬種,妖嬈嫵媚地走進(jìn)來,給觀眾一個(gè)飛

吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打個(gè)響指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由發(fā)揮). (跳完,鞠躬,向觀眾謝幕), thank you,(面向?qū)а?, honey, is it a wonderful performance?

甲:(作目瞪口呆狀),

乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面離去)

丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(畫個(gè)十字架,鎮(zhèn)定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

甲:(與之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many

achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思狀) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同學(xué)鼓掌,乙作安撫狀),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....

甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

near, far, wherever you are

i believe that the heart does go on

once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,繼續(xù)作深情狀)

and you're here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on.

甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise 丁:(對著乙的背影,沉思狀)to be,or not to be,it's a

question!(走到甲面前牽起她的手做親吻狀),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.

甲(做嬌羞狀):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?

丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白癡的搖頭),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(搖頭),and Melissa Theuriau?(搖頭),(丁,情緒激動(dòng)),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

甲(指門,氣憤狀),you you you.....

丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah! 甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.

丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God c(來自:smilezhuce.com 蒲公英文 摘:英文搞笑話劇)an give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!

甲(起雞皮疙瘩狀):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,

丁(轉(zhuǎn)身離開,繼續(xù)臺(tái)詞):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回頭,對甲)10 thousand years.

甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,

三人跑進(jìn)來,乙嫵媚狀:honey, you like my dance,right? 丙鎮(zhèn)靜狀:director,you like my singing,right?

丁深情狀:princess,you like my poet,right?

三人同聲:we are past,right?

甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接電話)What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(掛電話,低頭),you three,(抬頭),pass!

三人歡呼,說:we make it,we are superstar!

乙(甜蜜狀):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飛個(gè)吻)

甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward

to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齊答:yes,we do!

甲伸手,三人搭上,同聲,fight,fight,fight!

英文搞笑話劇篇二：英語搞笑話劇——三顧茅廬

Three visits to the cottage

主要人物：諸葛亮、諸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、劉備、關(guān)羽、張飛、旁白（同時(shí)操作電腦）

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顧茅廬） is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. Now，let’s go into the story.

第一幕

屋子中，諸葛亮在屋里走著，

諸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty，豬不亮掃地，送水（營養(yǎng)快線） 三兄弟上場，關(guān)羽（頭巾），劉備（墨鏡），張飛（不停打嗝）

劉：飯后一支煙，賽過活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，張飛點(diǎn)煙，劉深吸一口，長舒一口氣）

劉：嗯？沒點(diǎn)著

En? It dosen’t burn on.

張飛：湊合著吧，老師不讓抽煙

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!

關(guān)羽：此番前來，定要邀請的臥龍先生

We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!

張飛：必須的，老曹太欺負(fù)人了

Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.

三人來到門前，石頭剪子布

劉備：According to our custom？

關(guān)羽：OK.

張飛：No problem.

劉備三人進(jìn)行石頭剪子布，劉備輸了，其余兩人把劉備推到前面。

劉備作出一幅英勇就義的姿態(tài)，（上海灘響起） 劉備作按門鈴狀，（門鈴聲響起）。

諸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.

仆人：Heng!(哼)

仆人板著個(gè)臉到了門口，做了一個(gè)甩頭的動(dòng)作，并呼啦呼啦頭發(fā)，然后深呼吸，放平穩(wěn)，保持微笑。然后打開門，舉了個(gè)躬。

仆人：?????(發(fā)音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好)

劉備：Can you speak English?

關(guān)羽：（緊接著劉備）Can you speak Chinese?

張飛：（緊接著）Can you speak Japanese?

劉備：（緊接著）Spanish?

關(guān)羽：（緊接著）Congolese?

張飛：（緊接著）Egyptian?

仆人：（緊接著）Shut up! Who are you people?

劉備：(擺個(gè)pose)I’m Liubei.

關(guān)羽：(也擺個(gè)pose)I’m Guanyu.

張飛：(同樣擺個(gè)pose，把關(guān)羽碰倒了)I’m Sorry.

劉備三人趕緊把仆人扶起來。

豬不亮：你們怎么來的啊

What do you three take to come here?

張飛：騎馬來的啊，做騎馬狀

Riding a horse ,of course.

豬不亮：那你們怎么騎馬來的啊？

So,How do you riding a horse?

三人面面相覷，豬不亮關(guān)門

劉備突然明白了，“money��！”

張飛關(guān)羽聳肩都沒帶錢，下臺(tái)

第二幕

三兄弟上臺(tái)，張飛關(guān)羽手提禮品

關(guān)羽猥瑣的說:這次應(yīng)該可以了吧，上次也怨我們

I think we’ll manage it this time.

張飛：啥啊，如果你不是拉著我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮狀，老虎聲音）

What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat! 劉備：行了，行了，我們來干啥來了

稍息。。。立正。。。（張飛關(guān)羽照做）

Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention!

劉備：都給我機(jī)靈點(diǎn)（張飛關(guān)羽點(diǎn)頭答應(yīng)）

You three! Be clever this time!

屋子中??

（英文歌，諸葛亮和豬不亮正喝酒，豬不亮哼著英語歌，他兩個(gè)喝醉了）

諸葛亮：MY GOD！！上天你為什么這么懲罰我

My God!! Why do you punish me?!

豬不亮：老大別難過，班長楊超不也沒過嗎

Don’t be sad,my boss. As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination. 諸葛亮：我的四級考試啊，開始哭．．．

What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···

（換背景音樂，豬不亮跟著哭，門鈴響，豬不亮醉醺醺的搖搖晃晃去開門）

豬不亮：誰啊

Who’s this? 張飛：收水費(fèi)的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity

（開門，三人一臉嬉笑）

劉備：我們又來了，麻煩小弟通報(bào)一下

We are here again,bother to notice your boss.

（豬不亮四下環(huán)顧，把禮品接過來了）

（屋子里傳來悲傷的氣息，張飛和關(guān)羽抹眼淚）

張飛：怎么突然一陣感傷涌上心頭（自言自語）

I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..

關(guān)羽：請問臥龍先生在家嗎，我們想見一下（SEE）

Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.

豬不亮：吟詩，見與不見。。。

（你見，或者不見我

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not

我就在那里

I am standing right there

不悲不喜

With no emotion

你念，或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not

情就在那里

The feeling is right there

不來不去

And it isn’t going anywhere

你愛或者不愛我

It’s doesn’t matter）

（豬不亮轉(zhuǎn)身關(guān)門，站不穩(wěn)）

劉：What?��！

張飛：是不是家里死人了，下次再來吧

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.

Let’s go. Maybe we should come next time.

關(guān)羽：希望死的不是諸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die?

（關(guān)羽，劉備打張飛，下臺(tái)。。）

第三幕

（諸葛亮和豬不亮玩三國殺，背景音樂，術(shù)語）

（諸葛亮又贏了）

豬不亮：老大你真NB

You are the man !

諸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算過了年就去找劉備，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake. And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.

豬不亮：你想去劉備那里？？

What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company?

諸葛亮：嗯，那里用不著英語

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English. 豬不亮：前幾天他來過了，讓我趕跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.

門鈴響。。

豬不亮：說來就來了

Speak of the devil and he doth appear.

（三兄弟，大跨步的走進(jìn)來，諸葛亮一見到很激動(dòng)）

諸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（擁抱）你帶我走吧

Boss! I ached for you so much, please help me!

劉備：鎮(zhèn)定鎮(zhèn)定，既然兄弟這么看得起我，那咱們就一起大干一場吧 Be calm. Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it! （出發(fā)。。）

諸葛亮：大哥等等，那。。那，一月多少錢啊

Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will.. I get.. from you then. 張飛：（恐嚇狀）兄弟之間不談錢，談錢多傷感情，（拎著諸葛亮就走） It hurts feelings when it comes to money!

（豬不亮在后面拿著包袱，大喊）

豬不亮：帶上我吧，（走路（小沈陽狀））

Oh, Please take me away.

閉幕。。。。

英文搞笑話劇篇三：英語搞笑短劇劇本

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孫悟空 E：豬八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平） B1：B變成的村姑 B2：B變成的太婆B3：B變化成的老頭 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

S: Bajie,map!

E: (摸出，遞給S)

S: Look,boss (湊近T)………（T、S一齊轉(zhuǎn)向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

T: (縮手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

E: (遞)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.

S: Fat Pig!

E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will………. S: You will what(兇相)?

E: (軟禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

S: Hm!

T:（輕咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away….. T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

S: No problem!(安裝)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

S: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》

B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(變成B1)

B1: (接近三人，望著)Can I join you?

J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

B1: (在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

T: Bomb?(打出)

B1: Double King!

T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(準(zhǔn)備開電網(wǎng)門)

S: (回來，看見B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1: （倒)Ah……

T: (氣憤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

S: She is a monster!

T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)

S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱頭)

T: (嗆住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出現(xiàn))Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆) B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住地尸體)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T擋) S: （咬牙切齒）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T頭，T暈，S再打死B2)

E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

T:Two…..(暈乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(變成B3)

B3: (看到B1,B2尸體)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊) S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(險(xiǎn)些暈，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives! S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster! T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

S: (悲，離去)（音樂，營造 “假”悲傷氣氛）《人鬼情未了》

J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

T: Don't mention that guy any more!

B: (出現(xiàn)) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)

T: （驚）You are......

B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)

B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B暈)A thousand years later.

T: Wukong?

E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

J: Our hero is back!

T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!

T: How,how did you find out?

S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直覺)

T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小聲) S: What?

T: I'm sorry.

S: Em? Louder,please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音樂響）《敢問路在何方》（這個(gè)放伴奏） (謝幕)

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