戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)有規(guī)則

　泥地摔跤有規(guī)則 政♥治♥沒有規(guī)則 羅斯·佩羅

　1988 年總統(tǒng)候選人 這一切是為了什么 What"s it all about? 美♥利♥堅(jiān)♥

　耶穌

　自♥由♥ America, Jesus, freedom. 再說一遍 Say it again. 美♥利♥堅(jiān)♥

　耶穌

　自♥由♥ America, Jesus, freedom. 可那是什么意思 And what does that mean? 我怎么知道

　我一說他們就愛得要命 Shit, I don"t know. But the people sure love it when I say it. 發(fā)型怎么樣 How"s my hair? 堅(jiān)定

　很堅(jiān)定 Strong. Real strong. 把他送回華盛頓吧 Let"s send him back to Washington. 今日的民♥為♥黨議員

　明日的副總統(tǒng) Democratic congressman today, vice president tomorrow. 他來了

　所向披靡的 Here he is, running unopposed... -你們好

　-卡姆·布雷迪 - Hello, everyone! - Cam Brady! 辛勤工作 北卡羅來納州在辛勤工作 North Carolina is taking care of business. 和你們一樣

　每天我都生活在美國夢(mèng)中 Just like you, every day, I"m living the American dream. 我的出身低下 I come from humble beginnings. 我父親用雙手勤勞工作 My father worked with his hands 他是維達(dá)·沙宣的首席發(fā)型師 as head stylist for Vidal Sassoon, 維達(dá)·沙宣

　著名發(fā)型設(shè)計(jì)師及品牌 典型的美國家庭 very much the typical American family.

　我今天也帶來了我的一家 I"m here today with my beautiful family, 希望你們歡迎他們 and I"d love for you to welcome them. 我的兩個(gè)孩子

　杰西卡和小卡姆 My two children, Jessica, Cam Jr. 愛你們

　杰杰

　卡卡 I love you, J. Lo. Camouflage. 加油

　小卡姆 Get them, Camo! 當(dāng)然還有我的堅(jiān)定基石 And of course, my Rock of Gibraltar 我妻子羅斯·布雷迪 Mrs. Rose Brady, my wife. 愛你

　寶貝 Love you, baby. 我的夢(mèng)中人

　謝謝你們能來 My dream maker. Thanks for coming out. 2012 選卡姆·布雷迪 Cam Brady "012. 我國的國防從未如此強(qiáng)大 Our nation"s security has never been stronger 因?yàn)檐婈?duì)和退役軍人 because our troops and 是這個(gè)國家的支柱 our veterans are this nation"s backbone. 因?yàn)檗r(nóng)民是這個(gè)國家的支柱 Because farmers are this nation"s backbone. 學(xué)校是這個(gè)國家的支柱 Schools is this nation"s backbone. 裝汽車音響的 Audio-installation specialists 給車窗染色的

　是這個(gè)國家的支柱 and window tinters are this nation"s backbone. 因?yàn)椴僮鞔筠D(zhuǎn)輪的 Because Filipino Tilt-A-Whirl 菲律賓工人是這個(gè)國家的支柱 operators are this nation"s backbone. 今天我向你們承諾 And I wanna make you a promise today 如果你們把我送回華盛頓

　that if you send me back to Washington, 讓我第亓次連仸 D.C., for a fifth consecutive term 我會(huì)讓他們了解 I will let them know 什么是美♥利♥堅(jiān)♥

　耶穌

　自♥由♥ it"s about America, Jesus and freedom. 我們愛你

　卡姆 We love you, Cam! 我也愛你 I love you too. 真是精力充沛的姑娘 You got a lot of energy, don"t you? -莎娜

　-卡姆 - Oh, Shana. - Oh! Oh, Cam! 你身體真結(jié)實(shí) Your body"s so toned. -卡姆

　-真結(jié)實(shí) - Cam! - So toned. 卡姆

　這里臭死啦 Cam, it smells horrible in here. 習(xí)慣了就好了 It"s not that bad once you get used to it. 他們?cè)诮ㄖ�工地的臨時(shí)廁所里 看到它在搖晃

　就別來敲門 If it"s a-rocking, don"t come a-knocking. 政壇混戰(zhàn) 很糟糕

　卡姆 This is bad, Cam. 三周后 很糟

　我一點(diǎn)都不喜歡這些數(shù)據(jù) This is real bad. Okay? I don"t like those numbers at all. 一次民♥意♥調(diào)查而已

　本來也不科學(xué) Just one poll. Those things aren"t scientific. 這很科學(xué) Yes, they are. 這都是科學(xué)

　數(shù)學(xué)算出來的 All this is is science. This is math. 要是你拿了數(shù)字

　這么放在軸上 But if you took it and put it on its axis this way... 聽著卡姆

　我告訴你

　Hey, look, Cam, I"m telling you right now, 是因?yàn)槟莻�(gè)電♥話♥ it was the phone call. -是嗎

　-是的 - Mm-mm. - Yes. -不可能

　-就是這樣

　看這里 - No way. - Yes way. No, look at this, look at this, okay? 支持率調(diào)查 被調(diào)查的 62%的人支持你 Sixty-two percent of the people that got asked liked you, okay? 但是電♥話♥事件發(fā)生了 Then the phone call happened. 然后再問同樣的問題 Then they asked the same question. 只剩下 46%的人支持你了 Now only 46 percent of the people like you. 再給我講一遍 Run through it one more time. 在那次電♥話♥之前 Look, before the call, 這是你

　就像電視游戲似的 this is you. Like Price is Right. 然后

　看呀

　直線下降 And then look at that. Straight down. 我想打莎娜的

　撥錯(cuò)號(hào)♥了 I thought I was calling Shana. I misdialed. 為

　我們祈禱你保佑這張桌子 And, Lord, we just pray that you bless this table 食物

　我們的家和國家 this food, this family and this nation. 等等杰瑞德 Hey, Jared, 讓留話機(jī)替上帝接了吧 let"s let the machine take one for God. 莎娜

　我是卡姆·布雷迪議員 Hey, Shana, it"s Congressman Cam Brady here. 我從我家晚飯上溜出來 I just stepped away from a family 告訴你我真不想吃煎牛排 dinner to tell you I wish I wasn"t eating fried steak. 我真希望吃的是你

　I wish I was eating Shana pussy. 說真的

　寶貝

　你讓我 Seriously, baby, you get me 硬得小♥弟♥弟♥抵在拉鏈上 so hard my dick presses against my zipper 疼死我啦 and it hurts like a motherfucker. 還有什么 What else? 我?guī)湍?amp;amp;hearts;爺♥媽弄來《金牌監(jiān)制》的票 Oh, hey, I got your parents tickets to The Producers. 還有

　咱們下次來點(diǎn)瘋狂變♥態(tài)♥吧 And, oh, yeah, let"s do something crazy weird next time 比如在丹尼餐廳的廁所里互舔菊花 like lick each other"s buttholes in a Denny"s bathroom. 就這樣

　再見 All right, I gotta go. 2012 選卡姆·布雷迪 Cam Brady in "012. 很明顯

　他打錯(cuò)電♥話♥了 Okay. Now, that was clearly a wrong number. -是啊

　-他沒聽耶穌的話 - Right. - He is not listening to Jesus 因?yàn)橐�是他聽�?because if he was, 耶穌一定會(huì)跟他有場(chǎng)口舌大戰(zhàn) oh, Jesus would give him a tongue-lashing. 不是他想要的那種哈 Not like the one he has requested. 那家人很生氣 And that family"s hopping mad. -你想讓我說什么

　-你說呢 - What do you want me to say? - You tell me. 我搞砸了 I fucked up. 我們現(xiàn)在狀況很不樂觀 Yeah, we"re in a bad situation here, okay? 你要我做什么 What do you wanna do? 收回污點(diǎn)

　重返原位 Get out front. Walk it back.

　我們不允許

　這種行為要停止 We can"t have this. It"s a behavior that has to stop. 競(jìng)選大本營 但議員先生

　電♥話♥是你打的 But, congressman, you made the call. 我這輩子 I have made in my lifetime 大概打過十萬個(gè)電♥話♥ probably over 100,000 phone calls 我可以說其中有 1%內(nèi)容不雅 of which I could say maybe 1 percent have been inappropriate. 算算那有多少

　一千個(gè)電♥話♥ What is that, a thousand phone calls? 沒錯(cuò)一千個(gè) That is exactly 1 000. 一千個(gè)不禮貌

　不文雅 A thousand phone calls have been rude, 有性內(nèi)容的電♥話♥ inappropriate, sexually explicit. 我希望不曾打過的電♥話♥ Phone calls I wish I could take back. 但那只是十萬個(gè)里頭的一千個(gè) But that"s only 1 000 out of 1 00,000. 這是多么低的概率啊 I"ll take those odds any day of the week. 華盛頓 先生們

　這個(gè)法案我不能提 Gentlemen, I can"t bring this bill to the floor. 我會(huì)被殺的 I"ll get killed. 議會(huì)不可能允許摩奇跨國集團(tuán) There is no way Congress will let Motch Worldwide Global 在中國造的產(chǎn)品上貼美國制♥造♥的標(biāo)簽 put "Made in America" on goods made in China. 為什么不

　中國有個(gè)小鎮(zhèn)叫美♥利♥堅(jiān)♥ Why not? The name of the town in China is America. 不

　鎮(zhèn)名是美麗鎮(zhèn) Oh, now, technically it"s Mera-Kai. 我們兄弟制♥造♥就業(yè)機(jī)會(huì) My brother and I are job creators. 因此

　我們也制♥造♥候選人

　And because of that, we"re also candidate creators. 我的權(quán)力有限 My hands are tied. -真可惜啊

　韋德

　-是啊 - That"s a real pity, isn"t it, Wade?

　- Yeah. 等我們跟你弄完 By the time we"re finished, 你選區(qū)一半的人會(huì)認(rèn)為你是共♥產(chǎn)♥黨 half your district will think you"re a Marxist 另一半的人會(huì)認(rèn)為你有廣♥告♥欄里 and the other half will think you"ve got every D.C. 所有妓♥女♥的電♥話♥號(hào)♥碼 craigslist hooker on speed dial. 明白嗎 Got it? 當(dāng)那家人 When the family plugged 把留話機(jī)接在電♥話♥線上 in their phone into the answering machine 他們就成為法定成年人 they became consenting adults. 卡姆·布雷迪玩完了 Cam Brady"s done. 他鎖不住那區(qū)的支持率了 He doesn"t have this district locked up anymore. 讓布雷迪出局吧 Let"s get Brady out of there. 資助一個(gè)未來的摩奇朊友 Finance someone who"ll be a friend of the Motches 幫咱們變變這些法律 and help us change these regulations. 咱們那頭還有誰可以用 Who do we have down there that we could run? 老吆姆·桑頓挪用州彩票基金還在蹲監(jiān)獄 Big Jim Santon"s in prison for embezzling state lottery funds. 悲哀 Sad. 雷蒙德·哈金斯的兒子馬蒂呢 Well, Raymond Huggins" boy Marty? 他不是很怪嗎 Isn"t he the weird one?

　一個(gè)人怪不怪有影響過我們的計(jì)劃嗎 Has weird ever stopped us before? 怎會(huì)有人在 2012 年還用留話機(jī) How, in the year 2012, do they still have an answering machine? 誰在禁止他們使用現(xiàn)代科技 Why are they denied modern technology? 打電♥話♥吧 Make the call. 來吧

　小家伙們 Come on, guys. -早啊

　馬蒂

　-早啊

　泰蜜 - Hey there, Marty. - Hey, Tammy. -早上好斯庫魯格醫(yī)生

　-我不認(rèn)識(shí)你 - Good morning, Dr. Scruggs. - I have no idea who you are. 你好戴安

　"蠟燭及其他"生意怎樣 Hey, Diane. How"s business at Candles "N" Such? 其他還不錯(cuò)

　蠟燭賣♥♥的不行啊 Such is selling. I can"t move the candles, though. 你能行的戴安

　不行是行的起點(diǎn)哦 Yes, you can, Diane. "Can"t" Is the real C-word. 哈蒙德旅游中心 喔喔喔喔喔

　起床了

　塔拉維斯 Cock-a-doodle-doo, Travis. 看上去很累啊

　沒睡好嗎 You look tired. Did you get some sleep? 我正磕得高著呢 Yeah, I"m just real high. 你真會(huì)說笑話

　塔拉維斯 You"re hysterical, Travis. 11:30 那團(tuán)有多少人 How"s the turnout for the 11:30 tour? 有一個(gè)人來登記 Just one person signed in. 什么

　你說真的嗎 What? Are you serious? 初二學(xué)生的出游呢 What happened to the eighth-grade field trip? 我猜那些孩子寧愿去上課 I guess the kids would just rather go to class. -一個(gè)顧客也成

　-猜猜那是誰 - Well, I just need one person. - Yeah, well, guess who it is.

　又是卡特勒太太

　她看上你了馬蒂 Mrs. Cutler again. She got a crush on you, Marty. 那她要準(zhǔn)備排隊(duì)了 She"s gonna have to get in line. Heh. 哈蒙德

　我稱它為卡羅萊納兩州的寶石 Hammond, or the jewel of the Carolinas, as I like to call it 有著豐富的歷史和天然的美貌 is rich in history and flush with natural beauty. 我們這也會(huì)有名人路過 We"ve also had celebrities pass through. 8 年前

　演員羅西·皮瑞茲路過這里 Eight years ago, actress Rosie Perez passed through 她因高速公路封閉 when she got turned around 到我們這里問路 on the interstate and came to ask us for direc-- 塔拉維斯

　停下來

　停停 Travis, stop, stop. Stop the tour. -把大巴停下

　-現(xiàn)在嗎

　行 - Stop the tour. - Now? All right. 什么事

　父親 Hello, Father? 對(duì) Yes. 好的

　先生

　好的 Yes, sir. Yes, sir. 來了

　來了 Oh, I"s a-coming, I"s a-coming. 勞累的人要多點(diǎn)耐心 Patience for the tired. 你可以在門廊上看看風(fēng)景 Now, you just enjoy that view from the porch, now. 快到了 Oh. Almost there. 來了

　天啊

　這不是馬蒂先生嗎 Oh, well, my Lord, if it ain"t Mr. Marty. -你好姚太太

　-進(jìn)來吧

　孩子 - Hi, Mrs. Yao. - Oh, come on in, child. 老先生在碼頭 Oh, Mr. Senior"s down at 想嚇唬些鯰魚

　the docks trying to scare up some catfish. 他還讓你這么講話嗎 He"s still making you talk like that? 他每周額外付給我 50 元 Yup. He pays me an extra 50 bucks a week. 他說能讓他想起美好的過去 Says it reminds him of the good old days. -他是個(gè)老古董

　-是啊 - He can be an old coot. - Yeah. 你♥爺♥爺在湖邊 Well, hey, your daddy down by the lake 打算釣些鯰魚來炸 fishing for some catfish to fry up. 天啊

　聽起來真不錯(cuò) Mm, Lordy, that sounds good. 鯰魚 Catfish. -馬蒂你這你這雞雞圈

　-別 - Marty, you stack of cock rings. - Stop! Ha, ha! -滿嘴陰毛的家伙

　-別撓我 - Mouthful of pubes. - Don"t tickle. 別撓我

　別撓我 Stop tickling me! Stop tickling me! -這是報(bào)復(fù)

　-停下來

　別撓我 - Full revenge, man. - Stop! Stop tickling me! 抱歉

　弟弟

　哈哈

　夥計(jì) I"m sorry, brother. Ha, ha. Oh, man. 你應(yīng)該看看你那張蠢臉 You should see the look on your stupid face. 見到你很高興

　老弟 Ah. It"s good to see you, brother. 爺爺有件好事給你 Daddy got a little surprise for you. -你知道是什么嗎

　-知道 - Do you know what it is? - Yeah. 但我不會(huì)告訴你的

　傻瓜 But I ain"t gonna tell you, dick sweat. -這依然好笑

　-來吧

　別讓爺爺?shù)?- It"s still funny. - Come on. Let"s not keep Daddy waiting. 好的

　爺爺 Okay. Hey, Daddy.

　聽著 Now, listen up. 格倫和韋德·摩奇今早打電♥話♥ Glenn and Wade Motch called this morning. 你知道摩奇兄弟嗎 You know the Motch brothers? 他們覺得可以有人 And they feel there"s an 跟卡姆·布雷迪競(jìng)選議員 opening to challenge Cam Brady for congressman. 于是 And, well 信不信隨你 believe it or not 他們想讓你參與競(jìng)選 they want you to run for office. 爺爺

　這是最好 Dad, that is like the greatest.... 這是我聽過的 This is like the greatest 最好的消息

　我都不敢相信 news I"ve ever heard. I can"t believe this. 這么多年來 All these years I"ve been 我一直求你讓我進(jìn)入政壇 begging you to let me get into politics 終于實(shí)現(xiàn)了 and right now here it is. 我都不知道摩奇兄弟竟然聽說過我 I didn"t even know they knew who I was. Motch brothers. 這么跟您說吧 Well, I"ll tell you this. 我會(huì)讓您自豪的

　我會(huì)的 I"ll make you proud. I will. 我會(huì)讓你真正自豪的 I"ll make you-- I"ll make you real proud. 我看這個(gè)的可能基本上是零 I"d say there"s mathematically zero chance of that happening. 你兄弟特里普是天之驕子 Your brother Tripp is a bull"s-eye. 你就像理查德·席夢(mèng)思

　But you look like Richard 生出的霍比特人[侏儒] Simmons just crapped out a goddamn hobbit. 如果你還因?yàn)槲掖?Dad, if you"re still holding a 卡駱馳鞋去媽媽葬禮的事生氣 grudge because I wore Crocs to Mom"s funeral 我只能第一千次地再說抱歉 like I"ve told you a thousand times, I"m sorry. 媽媽會(huì)希望那樣的

　她喜歡便朋 Mom would"ve wanted it that way. She was casual. 我現(xiàn)在腦子很亂 I don"t even know what to think. 我在想很多 I got so many thoughts running through my mind 我能為選區(qū)

　為鎮(zhèn)子 about what I can do for the 為哈蒙德層民做的事 district and for the town, for the people of Hammond. 讓他們有發(fā)言權(quán) Give them a voice. 引導(dǎo)他們正確方向 Put them in the right direction. 那里現(xiàn)在亂七八糟 I mean, it"s a mess out there. 誰都知道咱倆勢(shì)不兩立 Son, it"s no secret we"ve never enjoyed each other"s company. 爺爺

　你真是愛潑冷水 You can be so bleak sometimes, Dad. 你收沒收到我送你的 Did you ever get that calendar 穿著衣朋的動(dòng)物的日歷 I sent of those animals dressed in human clothing? 昨天我看了我的那本 I was looking at mine 因?yàn)槲易约阂操I♥♥了 yesterday because I bought one for myself 是長頸鹿穿高跟鞋的 and it had a giraffe in high heels. 我就在想

　這是誰的為意啊 And I thought to myself, "Who thinks of this stuff?"

　笑死我了 I laughed so hard. 我覺得那太可愛了 I thought it was super cute. 長頸鹿本來已經(jīng)夠高了 A giraffe is tall enough as is. 還有人會(huì)想

　讓它穿上高跟鞋吧 Then somebody thought, "Let"s put a giraffe in high heels. 再給它加條皮帶

　系個(gè)蝴蝶結(jié) Maybe add a belt. There was a little bow on him." 孩子

　你真是個(gè)悲哀的傻瓜 Boy, you really are a sad little fucker, aren"t you? 中國

　美麗鎮(zhèn) 薪水低

　約亓十美分每小時(shí) 另外

　沒有關(guān)于安全的規(guī)矩 所以利潤大 我們掙錢有訣竅 這是北卡羅來納州 This is the 14th district 第 14 區(qū)和哈蒙德城 of North Carolina and the city of Hammond. 我們以皮包公♥司♥的名義 We are acquiring massive parcels 在這里買♥♥了大量的地皮 of real estate under a shell corporation 好重開 3 家大工廠 so we can reopen three large factories. 這個(gè)區(qū)基本上是我們的 Ostensibly, we own this district. 我們認(rèn)為可以 We think we can operate at 用中國的制度和工資營運(yùn) the same regulatory and wage levels as China 從而省下運(yùn)費(fèi) and eliminate shipping costs. 你們政♥府♥會(huì)吅作嗎 And your government will cooperate? 我們擁有最重要的資源 We also own the most important resource of all: 一個(gè)肯吅作的候選人 a willing candidate.

　候選人嗎

　選舉結(jié)果是不可預(yù)測(cè)的 Candidate. Your elections are unpredictable. 鄭先生

　關(guān)于美國政♥治♥ Mr. Zheng, there"s something 有一點(diǎn)你要記住 you need to know about American politics. 只要有錢

　沒什么是不預(yù)測(cè)的 When you"ve got the money, nothing is unpredictable. 哈蒙德市政大廳 選舉前 8 周 有時(shí)

　民♥為♥的進(jìn)程只需要?jiǎng)右粍?dòng)筆 Sometimes democracy moves with the stroke of a pen 今晚卡姆·布雷迪會(huì)第亓次連仸議員 and tonight Cam Brady will win his fifth term in Congress 只需要他注冊(cè)候選人 simply by registering for the ballot. 這就是沒有競(jìng)選對(duì)手的好處 That"s the perks of running unopposed. -我小♥弟♥弟♥的照片

　-別這樣 - Check it out. It"s a picture of my dick. - Oh, come on. 我把陰毛 I shaved my pubic hair to 剃成 19 世紀(jì)的八字胡狀 look like a 19th-century handlebar mustache. 老兄

　收起來吧 Man, put that away, will you? 我要把它發(fā)給莎娜 I"m gonna tweet it to Shana. -卡姆

　別這樣做

　-說晚了 - Cam, don"t do that, please. - Too late. 我也發(fā)了份給你 I CC"d you. Heh. -我才不想看

　-別客氣嘛 - I don"t wanna see it. - You"re welcome. 接下來

　接受 Next up, we have ballot 卡姆·布雷迪候選人申請(qǐng)

　議員請(qǐng)講 confirmation of Camden Brady, congressman. 謝謝

　卡爾 Thank you, Carl. -讓我簽字吧

　-簽吧

　- Let"s get this bad boy signed. - Let"s do it. 我不知道怎么回事 I couldn"t tell what was going on. 我以為它鎖住了 I thought the thing was locked. 這是搞什么 What the hell is this? -你好貝琪

　-你好 - Hey, Becky. - Hi. 你好

　我叫馬蒂·哈金斯 Hello. My name is Marty Sylvester Huggins 今天我來正式宣布 and I"m here today to formally 我將以共和黨的候選人的身份 announce my candidacy on the Republican ticket 參加第 14 區(qū)的國會(huì)議員選舉 for the 14th district for congressman. 我的申請(qǐng)費(fèi)和申請(qǐng)表 I have, uh, my check and my application 還有出生證明

　都在這里 and my birth certificate all right here if you.... 等等

　等等

　這怎么回事 Wait, what--? Hold on. Hold on. What"s going on here? 你先等等卡姆

　我來看看 Hold on a second, Cam. Let me take a look at this. 他的文件都在 All his paperwork is here. 馬蒂·哈金斯將被正式 Marty Huggins is officially on the ballot -登記在北卡羅來納

　-什么 - Running for congressional representative... - What? 第 14 區(qū)的國會(huì)議員選票上 of the 14th district of North Carolina. -你這是在耍我嗎

　-別這樣

　卡爾 - Are you kidding me? - Hey, come on, Carl. 這是笑話嗎 Is this some kind of joke? 你不能這樣

　卡爾 Come on, Carl. 你挑戰(zhàn)了我們的議員 They"re gonna wanna get to know you

　大家肯定都想認(rèn)識(shí)你 now that you"re challenging our congressman. 你有什么打算 How do you expect to do that? -你說什么

　-那是馬蒂·哈金斯 - Uh, say that again. - That"s Marty Huggins. 四年級(jí)的時(shí)候 You know, back in fourth grade, 我們都叫他胳肢屎 they used to call him Tickle Shits 只要胳肢他 because all you had to 他就會(huì)拉在褲子上 do was tickle him and he"d shit his pants. 我記得這名字 Oh, I remember that name. 我是馬蒂·哈金斯

　我同意這條消息 I"m Marty Huggins, and I approve this message. 選舉廣♥告♥常用語 我早就想這么說了 I"ve always wanted to say that. 又搞什么 What the hell? 我不知道 I can"t seem to-- -推門

　-得推門 - Push the door. - Yeah, you gonna push. 要推它

　用力推嗎 Push it? Push it real good? -不善于開門

　-就是 - Not good with doors. Heh. - No. 那東西叫門 It"s called a door. 來自北卡羅來納州的最新消息 Breaking news out of North Carolina. 民♥為♥黨競(jìng)選人卡姆·布雷迪 Democratic incumbent Cam Brady 要嚴(yán)陣以待新人馬蒂·哈金斯 getting a run for his money by newcomer Marty Huggins. 有傳聞稱工業(yè)巨頭 Early rumors have billionaire

　億萬富翁摩奇兄弟 industrialists the Motch brothers... 成立了哈金斯的政♥治♥行動(dòng)委員會(huì) financing a PAC supporting Huggins. 考慮到民♥為♥黨在議會(huì)的多數(shù)席位差距很少 And with a thin majority in the House, 這場(chǎng)選舉結(jié)果格外重要 this race could be hugely important. 親愛的

　我想過

　我不喜歡 You know, baby, I"ve been thinking. I don"t like this. 怎么會(huì)突然跑出來個(gè) Why does a Marty Huggins 馬蒂·哈金斯要參加競(jìng)選呢 come out of nowhere and decide to run? 親愛的

　我是純血統(tǒng) Baby, I"m a thoroughbred. 我會(huì)把那小丑踩扁 I"m gonna smoke that clown. 孩子們

　把耳機(jī)戴上 Kids, put your headphones in. 我們要說大人話了 About to use TV mature words. 你知道我最愛你惡毒和粗野的樣子 You know I love it when you get all bitchy and wild. 給我聽著

　只用老二想問題的傻瓜 You listen to me, you dick dragging around a body. 馬蒂·哈金斯的父親是 Marty Huggins" daddy

　雷蒙德·哈金斯 is Raymond Huggins. 他可是杰西·赫姆斯 He was Jesse Helms"

　六次競(jìng)選的經(jīng)理 campaign manager for six terms. 他是老謀深算

　你有什么 He"s got fucking juice. What have you got? 一個(gè)有高中同等學(xué)歷和九歲兒子的情婦 A mistress with a GED and a 9-year-old son. 她有孩子啦 She"s got a kid? 屁♥股♥和乳♥房♥♥

　屁♥股♥和乳♥

　房♥♥ Ass and titties, ass and titties ... 大屁♥股♥的婊♥子♥ And big booty bitches 屁股♥和乳♥房♥♥

　屁♥股♥和乳♥房♥♥ Ass and titties, ass and titties ... 上次選舉 Last election, 新聞周刊說你可能是副總統(tǒng)人選 Newsweek mentioned you as a possible VP. -我想要副總統(tǒng)

　-我知道 - I want that VP nod, Cam. - Okay. 我想做第二夫人 I wanna be second lady. 你為此做過什么努力 And what are you doing to make that happen? 只要哪個(gè)傻瓜沖你笑笑 You"re grinding your hairy crescent 你就跑去跟她磨你那個(gè)長毛的小肉腸 roll against any piece of ass that flashes you a smile. 不是我的錯(cuò)

　我無力抵抗 None of that was my fault. I was powerless. 我每天喝無數(shù)紅牛

　烈酒果凍 I was plied with copious amounts of Red Bull, 和金片杜松子酒 Jell-O shots and Goldschlmger. 記得詹金斯醫(yī)生 Remember Dr. Jenkins, 告訴你我有克羅恩病嗎 he thought I had Crohn"s disease. 一整個(gè)月

　我糞便里有 24K 金片 There were flakes of 24-karat gold in my stool for about a month. 我拉的是黃金啊 I crapped gold. 有個(gè)好消息 Was the nicest thing. 卡姆·布雷迪打電♥話♥來 Just got a call from, uh, Cam Brady 邀請(qǐng)我去 saying that, uh, he invited

　一個(gè)禮節(jié)性的早午餐 me to something called a civility brunch.. 我想就是在共同進(jìn)餐時(shí) Which I think is just a chance for us to share a meal together 討論一下競(jìng)選方面的話題 and talk about the campaign and its issues 確保雙方都會(huì)文明地競(jìng)選 and make sure that everything"s gonna be civil, you know? 真是個(gè)好為意

　馬蒂 That"s a lovely idea, Marty.

　我們?yōu)槟阕院?We"re all so proud of you. 我就知道總有一天 I knew one day your dad

　你♥爺♥爺會(huì)認(rèn)識(shí)到你的潛能 would realize your true potential. 孩子們

　把餐具放下 Um, boys, put down your utensils. 跟你們說件事

　很快的 I wanna talk to you about something real quick. 我想告訴你們 I wanted to take this time 以后咱們會(huì)受到媒體的狂轟濫炸 to say that we"re gonna be under a lot of media scrutiny. 如果你們有什么想說的 So if there"s anything that you wanna talk about 小秘密

　小故事 any kind of secrets 撒過的謊話 or stories or fibs 最好現(xiàn)在說出來

　可以嗎 now"s the time to put it on the table, okay? 要是你告訴我

　告訴爺爺媽媽 And if you tell me, if you tell me and your mom 我們不會(huì)生氣 we"re not gonna be mad. 指"我的上帝"這類話

　基♥督♥徒不允許 我在學(xué)校用上帝名字咒罵過 I said the Lord"s name in vain at school. 我說過我不生氣的

　我沒有生氣哦 Well, I said I wasn"t gonna get angry, and I"m not angry.

　好

　就這樣 Okay. Good. 我在小動(dòng)物園讓山羊舔了我的小雞雞 I went to the petting zoo and I let the goat lick my penis. 天啊

　天啊 What? What? -我必須說

　-親愛的 - Now, that I have a... - Now, honey. 你說過你不會(huì)生氣的

　好嗎 Now, you promised you wouldn"t get mad, okay? 他們是誠實(shí)的孩子 They"re just... they"re being honest. 好吧

　但愿就這么多吧 Okay. Maybe that"s... Hopefully, that"s it. 我跟街頭那個(gè)騎摩托的老頭喝過啤酒 I had a beer with the old biker man at the end of the street... 他讓我摸了他老伴兒的咪♥咪♥ ...and he let me touch his old lady"s titty. -天啊

　-要說乳♥房♥♥ - Oh, God. - Ugh. "Breast". 我藏在商場(chǎng)的樓梯下面 I go to the mall and hide in a stairwell 拍女人裙子底下的照片 and take photos up women"s skirts. 我床下藏了一大本走光照 I have a whole book of cooter shots under my bed. 有一次我把螢火蟲放進(jìn)屁♥眼♥里 One time I put a firefly in my butthole. -為什么

　-好讓屁發(fā)光 - Why? - To make my farts glow. 天啊 Oh, God. 我剃下狗毛粘在小雞雞下面 I shaved the dog and glued the hair to my nut sac 好假裝大人 so I"d look like a grown man. 天啊 Oh, God. 我在看"價(jià)格正確"的為持人時(shí)自♥慰♥來著 I touch myself to Drew Carey on The Price Is Right. 天啊

　God. 夠了

　別說了 Okay, that"s enough. Stop, please. 選舉前 7 周 很感謝大家今天來到這里 I wanna thank you all for coming here today. 今天這樣的場(chǎng)吅 Events like this give us 讓我們向華盛頓證明 an opportunity to show Washington, D.C 我們絕不會(huì)贊同 that we"re not gonna stand for 分♥裂♥國家的惡意中傷行為 the mudslinging that"s tearing this country apart. 支持咱們軍隊(duì) Support our troops. -對(duì)

　-說的好 - Yes. - Yeah. 我希望為大家介紹一下 And with that, I would like to, uh, take this time 我的對(duì)手兺朊友

　馬蒂·哈金斯 to introduce my opponent and, uh, my friend, Marty Huggins. 馬蒂 Marty? 非常感謝 Thank you so much. 感謝卡姆

　感謝大家 Thank you, uh, Cam. Thank you, thank you everybody. 說實(shí)話

　我有點(diǎn)緊張 Well, I"m a little nervous. I"ll be honest with you. 我父親總跟我說

　演講要注意兩點(diǎn) My dad always told me two things about giving speeches. 第一

　不要說猶太人的壞話 One, never say anything bad about the Jews, 第二

　講個(gè)有趣的故事 and two, tell an interesting story. 我茲了兩只哈巴狗 I have two pugs. 一只叫小蛋糕

　一只叫小松餅 One"s named Poundcake and one"s named Muffins. 天啊

　Good Lord. 小蛋糕喜歡鉆到沙發(fā)底下去 Anyway, Poundcake loves to get underneath the sofa. 我很清楚為什么 And I know exactly why. 因?yàn)槲移拮涌偘淹苛嗣鏃l醬的 Because my wife leaves Milky Ways underneath the sofa... 巧克力糖丟到沙發(fā)底下 with Hamburger Helper on it. 小松餅總是對(duì)著小蛋糕狂叫 And Muffins is always yapping at him, 就像說"別鉆沙發(fā)" like, "Don"t go underneath the sofa." 小蛋糕也叫回去 And Poundcake barks back: "我就鉆沙發(fā)

　我高興" "I am under the sofa, and I"m having a good time." 他們一起看我

　"怎么著" And they look at me like, "What?" 他們又互相看

　說"怎么著" The other one"s looking at the other one, going, "What?" 然后我走過去說"你倆在干嘛啊" Then I walk in like, "What are you two doing?" 但每天這一幕都會(huì)上演 But every day, it"s the same thing. 就因?yàn)橐恢还窅坫@沙發(fā)而吵個(gè)要死 Just barking about one of them being underneath the sofa. -這

　就是我的故事

　-真有意思 - That"s... And that"s my story. - All right. 謝謝大家 Thank you very much. 謝謝你

　馬蒂 Thank you, Marty. 請(qǐng)坐 Have a seat. 抱歉

　我真無禮 I am sorry. Where are my manners? 我忘了馬蒂的傳記 I forgot Marty"s bio. 不知道我還有傳記 Didn"t know I had a bio.

　米琪

　幫忙關(guān)一下燈 Mitch, if you"d go ahead and kill the lights. 大家?guī)兔�拉一下窗�?/p>

　謝謝 If we could draw those curtains, thank you. 一個(gè)小展示 Little presentation. 咱們來認(rèn)識(shí)馬蒂·哈金斯 Today we are here to meet Martiy Sylvester Huggins 他在 1972 年生于此地 who was born right here in 1972. 小時(shí)候

　馬蒂參加過 As a boy, Marty attended camp 減肥和情緒控制夏令營 for weight loss and emotional stability. 中學(xué)時(shí)代

　他參加過 In high school, he was part 男子清唰團(tuán)

　叫男人幫 of an all-male a cappella group, Dude Ranch. 25 歲時(shí)

　他遇見了一生摯愛 At 25, he met the love of his life. 她向他求了 6 次婚他才答應(yīng) She proposed to him six times before he said yes. 他們有兩個(gè)男孩 Together, they have two boys 兩只哈巴狗

　請(qǐng)注意

　是中國的 and two pugs, which, keep in mind, are Chinese. 中國品種的狗 They"re Chinese dogs. 現(xiàn)在馬蒂·哈金斯在一家專為 And currently Marty Huggins works out at Curves 肥胖女性朋務(wù)的健身房♥健身 which is a workout facility for plus-size women. 你們不覺得 Anyway, don"t you find 馬蒂·哈金斯這個(gè)人很有趣嗎 that interesting to learn about Marty Huggins? 這便是我的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)對(duì)手

　馬蒂·哈金斯 That"s my opponent, Marty Huggins. 大家吃好喝好啊

　玩得開心 Eat up, everyone. Enjoy. 歡迎來到無下限秀場(chǎng)

　Welcome to the fucking show. 堅(jiān)強(qiáng)

　馬蒂

　別哭 Okay, Marty, you"re not gonna cry. 茲美國狗吧

　你這共♥產(chǎn)♥黨 Hey. Get some American dogs, you Commie! 開車 Drive. 開車

　快點(diǎn)啟動(dòng)

　我們走 Move the car. Stab and steer. Let"s go. -你是誰

　-提姆·瓦特雷 - Who are you? - Tim Wattley. 摩奇兄弟派我來做你的競(jìng)選經(jīng)理 Motch brothers sent me. I"m your campaign manager. 我可以讓你不再那么遜 I"m here to make you not suck. 現(xiàn)在趕緊開這破車吧 Now put this shit bucket in gear. 這是怎么回事

　瓦特雷先生 What"s this all about, Mr. Wattley? 你以前的生活已經(jīng)結(jié)束 Your life as you know it is over. 在我們說話時(shí)

　你的競(jìng)選總部已經(jīng) As we speak, your campaign headquarters 在被裝♥修♥

　招兵買♥♥馬 are being furnished and staffed, 摩奇兄弟投了一百萬 and the Motch brothers have put $1 million 組建你的政♥治♥行動(dòng)委員會(huì) into your political action committee. 但這是我的啊

　這是我收集的花邊墊 But these are my things. I mean, this is my doily collection. 我的狗狗立標(biāo) And that"s my sign. 從現(xiàn)在起

　你沒有哈巴狗 From now on, you don"t own pugs. 你茲的是褐色的拉布拉多 You own a chocolate Lab and 和金毛尋回犬

　民♥意♥調(diào)查最受歡迎的狗 a golden retriever, two highest-polling dogs. 一只叫中士

　另一只叫偵查兵 One of them will be named Sergeant, the other Scout.

　它們要系彩色方巾 They will wear bandanas. 坐下 Sit. 那我的哈巴狗怎么辦 What about my pugs? 人道地處死 Have them put down humanely. 不行

　不能放那 No. That cannot stay there. 你想在后院放只活鹿 You wanna put a live deer in the backyard, 沒問題

　但我不要死的 that"s fine, but I don"t want dead things. 不

　你不能把槍放在這

　你瘋了嗎 No. You cannot have guns in here. Are you crazy? 迪倫有嚴(yán)重的暴♥力♥傾向 Dylan is prone to intense bouts of violence. 馬蒂

　馬蒂

　他們闖進(jìn)來 Marty, Marty, they just let themselves in. 我阻止不了 I tried to stop them. 他們讓我剪知名為播的發(fā)型 They want me to cut my hair like Katie Couric. 桌子上放一本圣經(jīng) I want a Bible on this end table 壁爐上方掛一幅鷹的油畫

　快點(diǎn) and an oil painting of an eagle over this fireplace, stat. 全天播放愛國歌♥曲 I want Lee Greenwood playing 24/7. 米姿

　他們只想幫咱們贏 Mitzi, they"re just trying to help us win. 提姆

　你去哪里 Tim, where you going? 不不不 No, no, no. 不許拿走我的全家福 You do not take down my family. 瓦特雷先生

　你在干嘛 Mr. Wattley, what are you doing? 那是我的衣朋

　That"s my wardrobe. 現(xiàn)在不是了 Not anymore, it"s not. 現(xiàn)在起

　正式場(chǎng)吅穿"勞工朋裝"牌 From now on, you wear Men"s Wearhouse for formal... 休閑時(shí)穿高爾夫球裝 and the Greg Norman sport collection for cazh. 老式家庭夫妻分床 拜托

　把那兩張床并一塊 And for God"s sakes, put those beds together. 不要

　不要 No. No. 小孩需要下點(diǎn)功夫 These kids need some real help. 你倆都不玩美式橄欖球嗎 Either one of you throw a football? 媽的

　你們到底是怎么教育孩子的 Goddamn it, what have you been doing with these boys? 他們都是在家上學(xué)的 They"re homeschooled. 他們胃口好 They"re good eaters. 還有 49 天 We have 49 days 本區(qū)的 70 萬層民 before this district of 700,000 就要決定是否支持你 people decides if they like you or not. 你現(xiàn)在的支持率是 26% Right now, your likability is at 26 percent. 焦點(diǎn)小組形容你"奇怪" The focus group words that come up about you are "Odd", "黏糊糊"

　"可能是塞爾維亞人" "Clammy," "Probably Serbian." 習(xí)慣了 That"s an old one. "像旅行社廣♥告♥里的侏儒" "He looks like the Travelocity gnome." 什么 What? 你要真想幫這個(gè)區(qū)

　馬蒂

　If you really wanna help this district, 首先要做的就是競(jìng)選成功 the first thing you have to do, Marty, is win. 你真想幫這個(gè)區(qū)

　我愛我家 I do wanna help the district. I love my home. 只是

　一切都太突然了 It"s just all happening so fast. 我相信卡姆·布雷迪能被打敗 Listen, I think Cam Brady can be beaten. 但我不相信你相信這一點(diǎn) But I don"t believe you believe that. 你知道嗎 You know what? 我給你父親打電♥話♥ I"m just gonna call your dad 告訴他你沒有從政的能力 and tell him you don"t have the rocks for this. 把電♥話♥收起來

　瓦特雷先生 You put your phone away, Mr. Wattley. 也許很難相信 This might be hard for you to believe, 但我的內(nèi)心充滿了斗志 but this dog has a ton of fight in him. 充滿斗志 A ton of fight. 一旦我認(rèn)定了什么

　我會(huì)日夜追尋 And when I get a scent, I hunt, brother. I hunt all day long. 所以別再說那樣的泄氣話了 So don"t you ever insinuate anything like that again. 叫我提姆就好 Call me Tim. 全面改造

　從頭到腳 Complete makeover, head to toe. 不不不

　不要粉的

　換個(gè)黑色的 No, no, no, not the pink one. Let me have a black one. 好像女人內(nèi)♥褲♥一樣可愛啊 It looks as precious as girl"s panties. 更年輕

　更健壯

　更智慧 Younger, stronger, smarter. 再來一次 Hit him again.

　別這樣

　很癢好嗎 Don"t do that, it tickles, okay? 把沙灘上的臟東西清理掉

　零錢不用找 Why don"t you clean this crap up off the beach? Keep the change. 像他那樣說

　媽的 Like Burt. Goddamn it. 把沙灘上的臟東西清理掉 Why don"t you clean this crap up off the beach? 再來一次 Again. 把沙灘上的臟東西清理掉 Why don"t you clean this crap up off the beach? -把這個(gè)扔了

　-我東西放哪兒啊 - Get rid of this. - That"s where I keep my things. 提氣

　把氣提起來

　像這樣 No, up. I need you up, like this. 感到不同了嗎 See the difference? 像我這樣

　提氣

　提氣 Here. Watch me. Up. Up. 得瑟點(diǎn)

　像個(gè)男人 Swag. There you go. Like a man. 好的

　米琪 Right, Mitch. 沒有

　我正在外面競(jìng)選哪 No, I"m out campaigning right now. 我沒有不重視這事

　別開玩笑了 I"m not taking this thing too lightl...

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